Ghosting, Breadcrumbing, and Other Modern Dating Terms Explained

 

Welcome to the linguistic minefield of modern dating, where terminology has become as complex as the dating itself. If you've ever felt confused after being on the receiving end of confusing behavior from someone you met on a dating app, you're not alone. Terms like "ghosting," "breadcrumbing," "orbiting," and "benching" have infiltrated our romantic vocabulary faster than you can swipe right. What were once considered rude behaviors are now described with cute, quirky slang that somehow makes them feel more acceptable. Spoiler alert: they're not. Let's decode this confusing lexicon and understand what these terms actually mean for your dating life.

Ghosting: The Digital Disappearing Act

Ghosting is perhaps the most infamous modern dating term, and for good reason. According to a 2025 study by NumberBarn, a staggering 75% of singles have experienced being ghosted while dating or using dating apps. It's the sudden, unexplained end of all communication with someone you've been dating or talking to, leaving you in a state of confusion and wondering if they were actually abducted by aliens or are just remarkably rude.

According to the International Journal of Indian Psychology, ghosting describes "the abrupt and unexplained ending of communication by one party in a dating relationship." The person being ghosted is left puzzled as their messages and calls go unanswered, creating a digital silence that's more deafening than any words could be.

The Scale of the Problem

According to research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, the ghosting epidemic is real and widespread. A 2019 study found that respondents had ghosted 29% of the people they had dated, and had been ghosted by 25% of dates themselves. Additionally, 74% of respondents believed that ghosting was an appropriate way to end a relationship. Let that sink in: most people think it's acceptable to vanish without explanation.

The Emotional Toll

But here's the thing about ghosting: it hurts. Research from Sage Journals involving 328 mobile daters found that the majority reported feeling sad or hurt after ghosting (n=86), while other commonly mentioned emotions were feeling angry (n=65) and feeling disappointed or disillusioned (n=48). As one respondent named Lennert shared: "I wanted to believe in online dating so badly, but I am starting to question it over and over again. I think people need more education about it, it ruins our human relationships and creates hidden agendas".

Even more concerning, 44% of the sample noted that the ghosting experience had long-term effects on their mental health, with respondents mentioning lowered self-esteem (n=89) and distrust in others (n=20). One woman named Esther described her experience: "We would text each other daily, from morning till evening and decided after a week to go on a date. The date was lovely, we laughed a lot. He brought me home and we even kissed in the car because it felt so good. After the date he texted that he really liked it and I answered I felt the same way. The next day I did not receive the usual 'good morning' message... I felt very insecure, dumped and rejected".

Gender and Ghosting

According to the NumberBarn study, 55% of females and 46% of males admitted to having ghosted someone themselves. The generational breakdown reveals: 52% of Gen Z, 52% of Millennials, 49% of Gen X, and 30% of Baby Boomers have ghosted someone. Interestingly, according to a Tinder report, Gen Z are 32% less likely to ghost someone than those over the age of 33, suggesting that younger daters might value authenticity more than their older counterparts.

Breadcrumbing: Stringing You Along with Crumbs of Attention

If ghosting is complete abandonment, breadcrumbing is a slow-motion nightmare. Breadcrumbing, as described by Times of India, refers to "when someone gives just enough attention to keep another person interested without committing to a real relationship. Breadcrumbing usually involves occasional texts, social media likes, and sporadic interactions that keep the other person engaged".

Think of it this way: you're being fed breadcrumbs when you're hungry for a full meal. A "like" on your Instagram post at 2 AM. A text saying "hey stranger" after three weeks of silence. A flirty emoji on your TikTok video. It's just enough to make you think they might be interested, but never enough for actual commitment or progression.

Why People Breadcrumb

According to research by Deviant Behavior published in February 2025, researchers Cobzeanu and Măirean studied 578 participants aged 18 to 27 to understand why people breadcrumb. The findings revealed three key psychological factors:

One major factor is toxic online disinhibition, which refers to the tendency of individuals to act more impulsively, aggressively, or emotionally detached in online environments than they would face-to-face. Without the presence of facial expressions and vocal tones, it becomes easier to dehumanize others. Someone might breadcrumb because, from behind a screen, sending occasional flirty messages seems "playful" or "innocuous," even though it's causing real emotional harm to the recipient.

According to Exclusive Matchmaking, breadcrumbing often happens because "when someone breadcrumbs you, they're typically either just trying to get a quick dose of validation, or they like the power trip of knowing they're keeping you on the hook". It's narcissistic validation seeking with a digital twist.

The Cycle of Negativity

Here's what's disturbing: the 2025 Deviant Behavior study found that individuals who had previously been victims of ghosting or breadcrumbing were much more inclined to replicate those behaviors themselves. This echoes the "Cycle of Violence theory," suggesting that victims can become perpetrators. As researcher Cobzeanu noted, this repetition often stems from a desire to normalize experiences to comprehend them better, rather than from malice.

Benching: Keeping You as a Backup Option

Benching is similar to breadcrumbing, but with a crucial distinction. According to Times of India, benching occurs "when someone keeps another person as a backup option, maintaining just enough interaction to keep them interested but not enough to move forward. The benched individual is left in a state of uncertainty".

The term comes from sports: you're on the bench, ready to be called into the game, but the coach isn't quite sure if they want to put you in yet. They text just often enough to maintain the status quo but don't commit to actual dates or relationship progression. You're their Plan B, their safety net, their insurance policy.

Why It's Particularly Cruel

What makes benching particularly frustrating is the ambiguity. Unlike ghosting, where the person disappears entirely, benching involves sporadic communication just enough to keep you wondering if there's still hope. Exclusive Matchmaking notes: "You've been dating someone new for a month or two, and things are going swimmingly, but you get this nagging feeling like it's not going anywhere. One reason why your relationship may not be progressing is that you're being benched. They like you, but they're not fully sure if they're ready to commit or if you have long-term potential".

Orbiting: The Ghost That Lingers

Orbiting is what happens when ghosting and social media collide in a deeply confusing way. According to Times of India, orbiting "happens when someone stops direct communication but continues to engage with the other person on social media by liking, commenting, or viewing their stories. This creates a confusing dynamic as the person remains digitally present without making an effort to connect".

So they've ghosted you, but they still like your Instagram post about your brunch. They view your TikTok videos. They occasionally comment on your stories. They're literally orbiting your digital presence like a satellite, close enough to acknowledge you exist but far enough away to never actually communicate.

The Psychological Impact

According to Forbes, checking an ex-love's social media profiles can provide dopamine boosts, acting as a reward for curiosity. For the orbiter, it's harmless engagement; for the person being orbited, it's maddening confusion. "Is he still interested? Does this mean something? Should I reach out?" These thoughts spiral endlessly as the other person remains digitally present but emotionally absent.

Zombieing and Submarining: The Resurrection

Also known as "submarining" or "haunting," zombieing occurs when someone who previously ghosted you suddenly reappears with no explanation or apology, acting as if nothing happened. It's ghosting reversed: they surface from the depths of digital silence with a casual "hey, what's up?"

According to Exclusive Matchmaking, these terms can also refer to "when someone starts suddenly interacting with your social media posts without actually getting in touch with you". The most annoying part? They often expect you to just pick up where you left off, as though the ghosting never happened.

Reddit users have shared numerous zombieing experiences. One user described how an ex randomly texted them after eight months of silence with "just checking in," as if they hadn't vanished without explanation after three months of dating. The audacity is real.

Love Bombing: Overwhelming Affection and Red Flags

Love bombing is perhaps the most deceptive term on this list because it doesn't sound inherently bad. According to Times of India, "Love bombing is an intense form of affection and attention early in a relationship, often used to manipulate the other person into becoming emotionally dependent. The love bomber overwhelms their partner with compliments, gifts, and constant communication, creating a whirlwind romance that can quickly become toxic".

Why It's Manipulative

Floraison Mental Health notes that "this is often an abuse tactic that shows up early in a dating situation, and generally involves the love bomber hiding or lying about parts of themselves in order to lure the other person into a relationship". It may feel like they're just incredibly into you, but it's actually psychological and emotional abuse dressed up in romantic language.

The pattern typically goes like this: excessive compliments, constant messaging, declarations of love within days, planning a future together rapidly, isolation from friends and family, followed eventually by withdrawal and control. Forbes Health notes that love bombing often involves "overwhelming someone with attention or displays of affection to lock you in, usually for their own benefit and validation".

Cushioning: Your Dating Insurance Policy

Cushioning is strategic and calculated. According to Times of India, "Cushioning involves keeping multiple potential partners in reserve as a form of insurance against the main relationship ending. This practice ensures that the person has someone to fall back on, creating a safety net".

While dating multiple people casually is one thing, cushioning is deliberately maintaining backup options specifically in case your primary relationship fails. You're not just dating around; you're strategically keeping people interested as emergency replacements. It's dating with a safety net, which sounds smart but feels deeply disrespectful to those being used as cushions.

Kittenfishing: The Gentle Catfish

Unlike full-blown catfishing (where someone creates an entirely false persona), kittenfishing is a lighter deception. According to Exclusive Matchmaking, "Kittenfishing occurs when someone uses older or highly edited photos of themselves to make them look better on a dating app. While the photos are technically of the correct person, they give a misleading impression of what they look like".

The photos are real - just three years old, with heavy filtering and optimal lighting. Their job description is vaguely accurate - they work in "tech" (they answer emails). Their height is technically correct (they're wearing extremely high heels). It's lying by omission, dressed up as simply showing your best self.

Roaching: Secret Dating

Roaching is when someone you're dating hides the fact that they've been seeing other people, and when confronted, they claim they didn't realize the relationship was exclusive. The term comes from the idea that these people are like cockroaches that scurry away when exposed to light.

According to Business Insider, "When the person you've been seeing hides the fact they've been dating other people. When confronted, they claim they didn't know your relationship was exclusive". It's gaslighting wrapped in relationship ambiguity.

Sidebarring and Phubbing: Phone Snubbing

These are related terms describing the same irritating behavior. According to Exclusive Matchmaking, "When it seems like your date is more interested in checking their texts, social media notifications, emails, etc. than getting to know you, they're sidebarring or phubbing (as in phone snubbing) you". It's rude, it's disrespectful, and it happens constantly in modern dating.

Situationship: The Relationship Without Definition

A situationship is perhaps the most frustrating term because it describes the limbo so many people find themselves in. According to Exclusive Matchmaking, "There's a bizarre sort of limbo that lots of people find themselves in: a pseudo-relationship based around convenience without the serious commitment or labels. This is not to be confused with FWB, which is distinctly casual".

In a situationship, you might go on actual dates and form a deep emotional connection. You might have sex. You might spend nights together. But you never officially define what you are. The hallmarks include only making last-minute or short-term plans, not hanging out consistently, and rarely or never talking about the future. You're trapped in ambiguity, never quite sure where you stand.

Other Notable Terms Worth Knowing

Stashing: You've been seeing someone for a while, but you still haven't met any of their friends or family. You're being kept a secret, stashed away from the people who matter in their life.

Soft Launching: Posting on social media that suggests you have a new partner without identifying them. A photo of two coffee cups, footprints in the sand, or someone's arm around you from behind.

Negging: Giving a seemingly positive compliment with a negative undertone. "You look great for a person your size" is negging disguised as a compliment.

Catch and Release: Some people love the thrill of the chase and lose interest immediately once they've "caught" you. They reel you in, prove they can catch you, and release you back into the wild.

Slow Fade: Like ghosting, but gradual. They slowly become less responsive, cancel plans, and eventually disappear without the decency of a proper conversation.

Gaslighting: Twisting another person's sense of reality in an attempt to gain control. It involves saying or doing something abusive, then denying it happened.​

Understanding the Psychology: Why These Behaviors Exist

According to Forbes, the reasons for ghosting and breadcrumbing are complex and multilayered. The 2025 Deviant Behavior research identified three key psychological factors: personal experience with being ghosted or breadcrumbed (creating a cycle of negative behavior), moral disengagement (where people start viewing relationships as logistical problems rather than meaningful connections), and toxic online disinhibition (where the absence of nonverbal cues makes people act more callously).

Relationships Coach UK notes that when examining the effects of ghosting, 59% of ghostees blamed the ghoster, 37% blamed themselves, and 17% blamed the affordances of the app. Yet ghosters gave different reasons: 67% blamed the ghostee, 44% blamed themselves, 29% blamed the affordances of the app, 22% said they had no obligation to communicate, and 16% cited concern for not wanting to hurt feelings.

How to Protect Yourself: Recognizing and Responding to These Behaviors

Understanding these terms is the first step to protecting yourself. Relationships Coach UK emphasizes: "Just reserve judgement and remember that if someone is ghosting you, breadcrumbing you, or orbiting you, it's revealing information about their character, not your worth".

If you're being benched, ask direct questions about the future. If someone is breadcrumbing you, recognize that sporadic attention is not affection. If you're in a situationship, either advocate for definition or walk away. If someone love bombs you, observe their actions over time; real love grows gradually, not explosively.

Most importantly, establish your own standards. You deserve someone who communicates, who commits, and who shows up consistently, not someone who feeds you crumbs while they keep their options open.

Your Worth Isn't Determined by Their Behavior

The proliferation of dating terminology might make it seem like these behaviors are now socially acceptable or even normal. They're not. A 2021 study from Sage Journals concluded: "Experiencing ghosting on a dating app can be quite painful and has an impact on users' self-esteem and mental well-being. However, findings on ghosters' motives also stress a nuanced perspective on ghosting behavior, given that it is not necessarily done with harmful or conscious intent".

While understanding the psychology behind these behaviors can help contextualize why people ghosting or breadcrumb, it doesn't excuse them. What it does do is empower you. Now that you know the language, you can recognize when it's happening and protect yourself accordingly. You can stop wondering if the sporadic texts from someone mean something, because you now know they're likely just breadcrumbs. You can stop blaming yourself when someone ghosts, because you know it reflects their character, not your worth.

The vocabulary of modern dating continues to evolve, adding new terms to describe new ways people find creative to hurt each other. But beneath all the slang is a simple truth: good people communicate. They show up. They respect your time and feelings. They don't play games. Anyone doing less isn't worth your bandwidth, no matter what trendy term you use to describe their behavior.